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How to Become More Confident

how to build confidence in yourself - Ready to discover your confidence and self love to lead a fulfilling and happy life? Ready to earn more money? Learn why women struggle with confidence, self love, self esteem and self worth and finally break through your own barriers to claim your happiness!

How to become more confident!

Ready to discover your confidence and self love to lead a fulfilling and happy life? Ready to earn more money? Learn why women struggle with confidence, self love, self esteem and self worth and finally break through your own barriers to claim your happiness!

Lisa Thompson is a confidence and self love expert. Connect with Lisa at http://www.selflovebeauty.com to learn more about her and her programs that help women all over the world.

how to find Confidence in yourself - condifence, self-love, self-worth, self-esteem...get the strategies, tips and support in the episode.

 

Full Transcription at the bottom of this blog post.

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Full Transcription:

 

Hey mama. Welcome back to the show. If you are struggling with confidence and self-love, then this episode is for you. What is confidence and what does self-love look like? You are about to find out. My guest today is Lisa Thompson. She is the executive director and founder of the nonprofit self-love beauty co-founder of blue wave wellbeing, host of the competent podcast and author of the strong women of Haiti. She is an established confidence and self-love workshop leader. And key note speaker. I promise you; you do not want to miss this conversation all about confidence self-love self-worth and self-esteem. Grab your coffee or wine, and let’s jump in.Hi, Lisa, welcome to the show.Hi, thanks for having me.

I’m excited that you are here because we are going to talk about a topic that I have yet to discuss on my show. But before we get into those juicy details, tell us about yourself and what you do.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, first off, thanks for having me anything to talk about confidence and self-love, which is my niche. My expertise area is really important to me. So again, I’m Lisa Thompson, I’m the executive director and founder of self-love beauty. I’m also the co-founder of blue wave wellbeing. And I have my own podcast called the confident podcast, which you have also been on a couple of, you know, a while ago. So long story short, a couple of fun things about me is that I have been on my own confidence journey for years. And so that’s really why I do what I do. Um, fun facts. I, um, love to hike. I’m a huge runner. Um, I have a cute dog named Denver who I literally talk about all the time, cause he’s my world and I’m a big Denver Broncos fan. And honestly, I think the biggest thing for me is that through my whole journey, I, you know, I started in the corporate world and has moved to run a nonprofit and a for-profit. So my life has completely changed, um, financially as well, but I’m so much happier and it’s because I found my passion and I found what makes me come alive at the end of the day. So I love to share that when people ask me what about me, because it’s important for people to know that I’ve been there through a lot of ups and downs and I’m here standing here today to help other individuals have confidence and self-love, and I’m sure,

Sure that your story will completely relate to a lot of our listeners. I have a lot of moms listening who are either trying to get away from that corporate world that they want to be present with their kids, but they also want to build a business or a side gig that they’re passionate about. They want to be happy about it. Now you are dedicated to self-love and confidence and speaking to women about this. So why do you think women struggle with confidence and self-love?

Yes. I think there’s a few factors. Um, I think, you know, if you take us back to when we were younger, I think there’s some conditions that happen. Then I think we’re doing a really good job right now with teaching our youth and teens many skills. Um, but it’s really practicing on those skills. So I think, again, back to what I was saying, we were conditioned to be a specific way. And then, um, a lot of times what happens in it and it’s for men too. Um, when you hear a negative comment, it takes five positive comments to overcome that behavior. And so say someone has kind of brought you down if you’re not having the practices in your life, you’re continuing to be knocked down. You’re continuing to allow yourself to. And that actually is where we struggle a lot with confidence and self-love is because we don’t have things into our lives, um, that were like them, you know, basically snapping back into reality of being positive.

And so I’m very big on that because I think a lot of times people think it’s an ambiguous thing that women think differently than men and it is true, but I think it’s also about how we have to push past that and prove ourselves in different areas. And I think moms are just super women in general and we don’t like women don’t give themselves enough credit for that. Um, I’m very MBS of a lot of women who have their stories, but it’s also important for us to know that no one has it all together. No one has it altogether. And, um, while I speak very high on competence and self-love, I have my own journeys. I still have my moments of like, is, is my voice being heard? Am I saying the right things, but I have to snap out of it in order to make change. And so I think the biggest things is, is sometimes we stay in the LOLs and we don’t go back to putting tools into our lives because life gets busy and we make excuses.

That is so true. I can relate to a lot of that. Now I have a two part question for you. What does confidence look like and what does self-love look like?

Yeah. So this is one of my favorite things to share. So I think, um, when I talk about self-love, I’m going to use the word self-esteem a little bit because I think that they’re very similar in those aspects. So confidence first off is really about, um, how you perceive your abilities, so your skills and your talents. So if you think about career-wise or sports-wise or anything related to skills, maybe you can change the, uh, change a tire, uh, on a car. That’s a skill, that’s a talent. That’s like having competence in that specific area. But self-esteem is really about your worth. So you might be really good at finances, but you might not feel worthy of the raise at work so that self-esteem. So it’s very much about how your confidence and your self-esteem, um, relate to each other. So they’re very relatable, but they’re different because skills are skills and talents are confidence and then self-esteem is really about your worth.

So it’s really important for people to understand that you might have high confidence in a skill, but low self-esteem on your worth in that area, because you’re not fighting for what you deserve in that area. Vice versa. You might love your body, but you might think you’re terrible at your job because your skills aren’t like other people. And then you have that comparison game. So when you can find a, a healthy balance, it’s not always perfect, but it’s really about being self-aware of, wow, I’m really good at I’m really good at accounting. I want to go after that race, I know I’m worthy. Then you have to start practicing those affirmations to see that you’re worth. And so I use the word self-esteem because self-love is really the same thing. It’s knowing that you have to love yourself. You have to find yourself worthy. You have to respect yourself. And I use the career example because that’s where we get caught up a lot. We might know that we have this skill, but we don’t think we’re worthy of more money. We don’t think we’re worthy of that leadership role. And that’s where we very much get caught up because then we’re looking for them. We’re comparing ourselves. And then we get tripped up in our own minds and our minds can play tricks on us. When in reality you could have, you could have just went after that race and received it.

I’m glad that you brought up the career path because when you were talking about the differences, it made me think of many entrepreneurs and not just women. I think men may struggle with this as well. Maybe they don’t as much, but when we are so confident in what we do, what we provide our services, the business we built, but when it comes to putting a price tag on those services, we undervalue it because we are afraid to ask for that price. I see that a lot. And I’ve seen that in myself.

Oh yes, completely. And I’ve seen it in myself. And so I have really back to what I was saying about the negative and the positive piece. Like I’ve had to shift my mindset. Like no, if I really, if I really want a career in here, I have to look at my skills and I have to look my experience now years ago, I was probably cheaper on certain worth pieces because I was so growing in my group, I was still trying to figure out my competence. But once you hit a level where like, dang, I am up there with all the big, you know, all the people that have had the years in there, under their belt, then I should be asking for that. I should still not be saying like, I still don’t have it figured out. Well guess what? None of us always have it 100% figured out. So I don’t know a single person, even executives of big companies who could sit here today and say that they have it all figured out.

Absolutely. I’m going to quote Angie Lee. She always says, ready is a lie. And that is so true because I don’t think you’re ever ready because you’re always learning. You’re always evolving and you’re always going evolve in your business. Your business, even your life is never going to come to a point and you’re going to go, well, this is it. I’ve reached my max and I’m done like, no, you’re always going to be striving. And, uh, ma uh, um, with ed Mylet says the same thing, never settle for basic, always keep going for the next thing. So I just kind of threw into quilts.

I love that. I love it. Now, my next question for you,

Do you have any tips or strategies on how women can gain more competence and hold on to it? Because I think we get to moments where we feel like we’re on Mount Everest, right? We’re up here. We’re totally confident. Okay. We’re going to ask for our worth. And then it drops. And I feel like it’s a roller coaster, these ups and downs continuously. So do you have any tips on how to try to like level that out? It’s never, like you said, it’s never perfect, but how can we make the rollercoaster less dippy?

Yes. I love, I love that. And honestly, my biggest feedback is investing in yourself. And I know people hear that, and I know it’s a cliche thing that people say, but like, I literally am living proof that investing in myself changed my life. And I share that because it’s not that you have to be. So it’s not saying to yourself that you have to spend two hours a day focusing on something, it’s adding five minute habits into your life. That over time is going to become a habitual in your life. It is going to be something that you don’t have to think about anymore. And then that’s going to help you with your confidence. And it’s also like following experts in this space to really help you. If you’re struggling and you look at your group of five people that you’re surrounding yourself with, and you know, you can’t call one of them up to give you a confidence boost.

Well, red flag right there, you need to be surrounded by people first off that want to take you to the next level. If you don’t feel that with a leader at your company, find another leader. Um, when I worked in corporate America, I had a boss who we called them locker room discussions, where anything we discussed, didn’t leave the locker room. And that was my safe spot. And he pushed me to always think bigger and believe in myself. And then I took that and I took those habits and I helped other individuals. So again, it’s like, it’s kind of like, it’s again, that practicing it’s practicing every day, because eventually it will become easier. I was a big person on affirmations are stupid. Yes. I thought that at one point now, Oh man, right before a big meeting, I literally stand in front of my mirror and I say, my affirmations are I’m in the car.

And I make sure that I’m setting intentions, or if I’m going after that, or if I know something’s going to make me uncomfortable with a cost, but I know I’m worth it. I go after it doesn’t mean that it always works out. No, but I’m so grateful that I don’t cheat myself anymore. And I share all of this because the biggest advice that I can give anybody is practice and practice because no one became good at a job. Like I’m going to keep using accounting. No one became a good accountant. Without that space, you cannot become higher on your competence or higher on your self-love if you’re not practicing it. And I know people say all the time, well, I don’t have time. Well, I’m not asking you to spend an hour doing it. I’m asking for five minutes, five minutes. When you wake up to say things that you’re joyful for five minutes of your day to notice and be self-aware of how you’re talking about yourself, those little things.

If you are doing that, like those negative things throughout the whole day, they add up to an hour of bad habits that you can get into, or you can switch it and do five minutes here and there, which adds up to an hour, the good of good that can change your confidence. And so a lot of people don’t think about that. I mean, think about how much we can sit there and scroll through tic-tac Instagram, Facebook, guess what? You just wasted an hour. And so when people say to me like, well, I was doing research, but was, were you like maybe, you know, I know that because I say all of these things, because I’m a perfect example of someone who’s like done all of these things. So I sit here saying all of this because I’ve been there and I’m still there. I’m still working on it.

And also another piece that I really, really find important. And it’s something that I struggled with for a long time, was finding your authentic voice and finding that with confidence. And even last week, I’ll share an example. I was in a meeting and I felt as though I was kind of getting pushed to be quiet. And I really struggled. I called up a mentor afterwards and he said, Lisa, you were not meant to be that way. Yes. You’re going to make people uncomfortable. You do it in a poised way. That’s not coming. You know, like there’s a, there’s, there’s a way that you can say things, then you’re pushing the envelope. If you really want to create change, you have to be that voice. And I say that to anybody that thinks of their career. My question for you is, are you confident in how you’re setting the expectations with your leader of what you personally need?

Are you setting the expectations with yourself? Because I always tell people like people can’t read each other’s minds, so we can’t grow in confidence, our grow in self-esteem. If we’re not setting those expectations with ourselves, if we’re not putting our authentic voice in there, and we’re not setting those expectations with those around us, if your husband doesn’t know that these are the expectations that you need in order to be a better mom, to be a better person, you can’t read your mind. We can’t expect people to know, but we have to start by setting that for ourselves. So that’s a lot of advice, but there were a lot of things that I think we just, we don’t speak up about what we need, because we’re not even reflecting on what we need. We, we, we don’t even talk to ourselves about that. And so we expect when something, when someone makes us mad that they should just know that you need those things, but if you never communicated it with yourself or with them, how would they know to help you with your confidence?

And I think the biggest takeaway I got from all of your tips and strategies, there is confidence. Doesn’t come to you by something external, it’s something internal. And you said over and over, it’s something that you have to practice with yourself over and over and over little by little by little. So, when you said, like, start with Infor affirmations, or just doing like daily pep talks, like grab a post-it note and a marker and put something positive and stick on your bathroom mirror while you’re getting ready and repeat it to yourself for those first, you know, a few minutes in the morning and you know, that kind of stuff. And when you said about habits, the book that came to my mind was atomic habits. By James clear, it’s such a great book. If you haven’t read it, listeners, grab that book and read it because it’s a full of like juicy things on how to create better positive habits in your life that will lead to your own competence. And it will lead to that. Self-esteem self-love self-worth. Now, before we end our conversation, tell us about your book and then why you chose that location.

Yeah, absolutely. So I wrote a book, um, in the beginning of 2021 called the strong limit of Haiti. So this is a book that, um, has been on my heart for many years. I went to Haiti in 2017 to interview 15 women, to share their stories about competence, self-love, and strength. And the reason why I picked Haiti was because in my book, I even share this. Like, I felt very called to go to Haiti. But then when I got there, the women changed my life. They have a very different outlook on life then, um, what, you know, the they have a lot of different types of resources and what we do in America. And they do things with poise, with love and with support. And even when they have very little, they still wanted me to have their food when they will walk 30 miles or 30 miles to get, um, laundry done.

You know, it’s little things like that. That those to me are strong, strong pieces that when we think of strength, we think of like Serena Williams, we think about like, um, Rachel Hollis, we think about people like that who have made it to have succeeded in a professional level. And that looks like strength to us. It is, it is, but there’s other things that take strength like a mom, you know, how strong moms have to be to manage the household, get food on the table, have a career, or manage the household there and keep their sanity. Like, God bless all women out there. Like, I’m not a mom, but I have many mom friends, and I have learned so much from them. So just know like your strength matters. And so in a roundabout way, what I’m trying to say is the book was really about, because I wanted women to know that strength comes in many shapes and forms.

It’s something that a lot of people don’t know about Haitian women is that they are probably the strongest humans I’ve ever I’ve ever met. And this book really showcases their life in the day, but how they see strength, how they see strength as being able to provide for your family as being able to put food on the table, um, strength is, um, being healthy, things that we take very much for granted, they see as the utmost respect for someone that has strength. And so, and then Haiti, honestly, if you’ve never been there, I highly recommend going to Haiti. It is the most gorgeous place in the world. I feel because the people are just outstanding. I have never felt more at home in a place. Um, the hugs, the love, the, the little kids that just want to like, know who you are. And my Creole is very broken, but I’m grateful for translators and other Haitians that are willing to help me. But it’s a, it’s a life-changing experience what this book has brought to me. And every time I read it, because I read it multiple times is that strength comes from within and we have to realize that the little moments really do matter. So, um, so yeah, that’s a, that’s a long way to answer your question, but I’m clearly passionate about my book. Um, and also the women, when it comes to strength.

I love that. And just hearing you tell that story about the book and your experience just gave me chills, because you mentioned about there’s other ways to see strength. And when you were mentioning like Rachel Hollis, like, yes, they’re very powerful women, but I think we do get caught up into that. I hate to say it a social media trap where we are looking for that big external validation. And we’re like, we’re almost looking for like one definitive answer to the definition of strength and there isn’t. And so you have to find your own definition, just like you have to find your own definition of your competence, of your self-love and your strength. I absolutely love that. I love this conversation. I think it was awesome. I know this is going to resonate with so many listeners, so many moms out there that need to hear this. So where can women connect with you?

Yeah, so they can connect with me by emailing me, um, it’s LisaThompson@selflovebeauty.com. They can follow me on Instagram, @lisathompsonofficial. My website is selflovebeauty.com and then my book is on Amazon, The Strong Women of Haiti. So definitely check that out as well. So I’m very open to connection.

That’s awesome. You’re awesome. And thank you so much for being on the show today, Lisa. Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.

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